I don’t care about your pocket full of posies (ashes, ashes, all fall down)

Hello everyone, I just want to congratulate you all on reading a title that I made up randomly because I’m weird.

Now let’s talk about chicken.

In about 2 days I’m going to roast a whole chicken and then I’m going to eat it. Afterwards I will watch tv while eating ice cream. This is called Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is an American holiday commemorating everyone’s love of turkeys and cranberries and pumpkin pie. Basically what happened was that long time ago, like 40 years ago, after the dinosaurs died there was a shortage of food and everyone was happy. Then no one was happy. Then everyone got depressed. Then for some reason somebody thought that the depression was awesome so the called it the Great!! Depression!
Some time passes, like 5 years, and someone finds a turkey. They cook it and eat.

Some more time passes, like 2 years later, someone finds a pumpkin. They pie it and eat.

Then Abraham Lincoln gets shot in a theater. Guess what? There were cranberries in that theater. Someone finds them and eats them.

And that’s how thanksgiving was discovered by Christopher Columbus.

Now the real funny part is I hate turkey, therefore chicken.

This is called irony. It is also called badly written made up stuff.

*This post does not contain any pictures because I’m lazy.

The Six Days of Sandy

There are many important things I would like to importantly discuss with you today.

First of all, I miss this place  . . a  lot. I don’t know what I was thinking when I stopped writing here but whatever that thought was it probably had to do with food because I love food and it tastes good.

Number secondly, I changed a lot as a person. The square flea is not longer as squary or fleay as before. The bad humor based on randomness and incorrect sentence structures that make no sense are still here, but there has been a major change. I no longer consider Nutella the best thing ever.

Yes.

I said it.

The best thing ever is electricity because that thing gives you the internet (also heat, light, phone, tv but most importantly internet). I love that thing.

Many of you might not be aware but there was a hurricane thing that hit the east coast. For some reason they called it Sandy and that reason is probably due to an ex girlfriend. Anyway, Sandy came and was like here’s some water people! That’s called flooding. Then she took my electricity because she’s a stealing *****.  Also Sandy is a Amish fanatic and was on a mission to forcefully convert everyone into following her radical views. And I became Amish for 5 days. Afterwards the great PSE&G (we make things work for you) blessed me and made things work for me again. Now things are okay again. Recovery and such.

Oh, here are some pictures I took! With one line commentaries!

We are gonna need a mop.

Poor car :(

The roof! The roof! The roof is on  . .oh wait. .

Sandy: she ruins your bike ride.

Some people wake up early to get gas, others wake up early with gas.

My sentiments exactly.

On a serious note everyone is doing better here. Some people got hit worse than others but we are all helping each other clean up to get back on our feet again. Power slowly getting back to everyone and we are very thankful for it. :)

Powerpoint Lectures; a history and stuff

PowerPoint lectures were invented by the board of boredom. This elite but sleep-inducing board decided to meet one day to make the world a much boring place.

“Hmm,” they said. “How can we make the universe a more boring place?

“I know!” said the vice president of the board in a monotone. “We can have PowerPoint presentations for lectures in college.”

“And we can make the rooms incubator warm and turn the lights off!” Said another member while texting his girlfriend.

“Great idea!” said the entire board as they promptly fell asleep.

And so the board of boredom went out to the world to enforce PowerPoint lectures. Sponsored by the board of naps and the board of what the heck is this class about anyway, they cornered innocent and normally enthusiastic  professors and injected them boredom. Also they gave them completely  foreign accents that you cannot understand because what the point of understanding a lecture? They also met with the board of education and forced them to adhere to their ways. The board of education, being bored of education, said sure dudes.

No one was safe.

THEY did this! Even after I said that the Statue of Liberty cannot swim.

The board of boredom was no longer a bore, they now had a purpose. They raped churches and blasted Justin Bieber songs. They also burned all nonconforming professors at the stake. Also they stoned people, which is bad.

Not cool dudes.

No one was happy. Well, except the Microsoft guy because PowerPoint is part of his company and now everyone was using it so he’s getting more money. Except that guy is so rich he probably wouldn’t notice the extra $100 million.

So yea, no one is happy.

So lets get rid of this thing, okay?

The elections and stuff

Politics are cool!

There is nothing I enjoy more than discussing politics, except maybe discussing politics on Facebook.  Believe it or not, I used to hate everybody who always  facebook raped me  posted  their political views. Here were all my friends having intelligent in depth political debates while I was all like “look, I’m eating a bagel”. I mean I do have a political opinion but I just never saw the need to advertise it.

This year, it all changed.

THE SQUARE FLEA GOES POLITICAL. coming fall2012

That’s right people, get excited. I realized that I can force people to listen to something they don’t want to listen to by forcing them to listen. It’s like a paradox or something. So I started commenting on some of my friends political statuses, taking the opposite side of course:

YOU’ RE OBVIOUSLY A NAZI TERRORIST IRANIAN PIRATE WHO HATES AMERICAAA.

HOW STUPID ARE YOU? OR DO YOU JUST HATE AMERICA THAT MUCH?!?!?!

That worked out great!

I got blocked. That’s nice.

Then I realized that I was missing something . . .apparently there is an etiquette that must be used when violently disagreeing with a Facebook friend. It’s called the I’m going to insult you but put on so much hearts, smiley faces, and compliments that you won’t notice, but you will notice because I’m obviously calling you a dumbass technique.

Behold:

-I have to respectfully disagree :)  just because Romney loves cheese, doesn’t make him the best choice for America.

-That’s fine :D but I don’t get how you don’t see that Obama actually stopped cancer by winking at someone who had it . I mean it’s on the news.

-You probably have a low brain cell count, it’s cute ;) It’s probably why I love you so much <3

-I know you love Romney but he’s a stupid lying idiot who probably doesn’t know how to add and anyone who votes for him is stupid. Love youuuu ;)

-Obama is aMuslim socialist trying to destroy the American dream, can’t believe you support that idiot who hates the USA. btw the earrings you had on today were sooo pretttyy <3

Eventually I realized that I don’t only have to comment on other people’s statuses, I can write my own politically charged status. And I can support whoever I want!!

“We built it!” – The Republicans
“Yes we can!” – The Democrats
“Can we build it? Yes we can!” – Bob the Builder
BOB THE BUILDER 2012

BOOM!!

Success! I mean who wouldn’t support a candidate like that? Especially when the campaign slogan is BOOM!

BOB THE BUILDER. BOOM!

A wonderful night for a poem

The moon is bright and that is cool
it reminds me of lovers that love each other like school
what? that doesn’t make sense you say
ok

There is a little house in the woods
its full of lots of things and stuff
also things
and it loves like a wondering moon
it loves like turkeys singing at noon
also spoon, soon, and prune

Oh! cries the bear in flight
If only you knew about Santa’s delight
but you don’t and that’s too bad for you

I like cheese

Kids are Ruining My Life

When you hang around kids a lot strange things happen to your brain. Like for example your brain dies.

Also your brain turns into a children’s entertainment center. That’s nice.

Today I found myself singing Bingo was his name-o out loud during my economics class. That definitely earned  me +5 cool points.

Which is nice.

What’s nicer is that I’m not even a mother. I’m a part time babysitter. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified that one day I will wake up to find my blog transformed into one of those mommy blogs where I complain about “my” kids.

So you have that to look forward to.

That’s nice.

Then there is the part where I start acting like a kid once the actual kid is out of the equation It’s like there is no reason for me to be an adult if I don’t have to.

Bye bye Adulthood Case Study:

1) If I say  “see you later alligator” you MUST reply with “in a while crocodile” or else I will throw a tantrum.

2) I don’t like vegetables any more.

3) Did you know that eating lots of candy causes your teeth to rot and develop cavities? Yea, I don’t care.

4) “Please have the financial report on my desk by Thursday.”

“No! I don’t want to! You’re not the boss of me!”

“Actually I am.” Said my boss as he fired  me.

Things like this really make wonder why on earth I decided to be a babysitter, then I remember; I do it for money my love of children.

The origin of cake

A long long time ago in the land of lets get people fat and stuff there lived a witch.

And this witch was a terrible person, like the worst person ever. She was all like I hate turtles. Seriously who does that? Also she liked math.

One day she looked into her crystal ball and saw something shocking. The crystal ball told the witch in a very crystal bally way that in 4 million years a beautiful girl who goes by the name of Square Flea will be born and be very beautiful and awesome. She will also be good a math. Moreover, there is nothing the witch can do about it.

“Cool.” Said the witch while violently throwing the crystal ball  on the floor.

Then she cried because the witch hated the beautiful awesome girl born 4 million years later. Especially if she was good at math. Especially if there was nothing she could do about it.

“Oh poor mio!” Wailed the witch while feeding her pet whale.

The she ate lunch, played checkers, and took a shower.

Also she invented cake. That was nice.

She then went to sleep.

She died four years later.

God bless her soul.