Incompetent Writing Can Be Highly Entertaining

The statements below are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers attempted to explain the accident.

They made me laugh and I hope they make you laugh too, or at least chuckle quietly. Grinning is fine too. Otherwise you have no sense of humor and you need to lighten up. Unless your dog died today then its okay. I’m sorry for your loss.

So without any further ado:

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed though my windshield into my wife’s face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the edge of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into the telephone pole.

I has been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble, when my universal joint gave away, causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection a sigh suddenly appeared in a place where no sign has ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I stuck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car.

I was thrown from the car, as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out the way when it struck the front end.

Have a nice day.


2 thoughts on “Incompetent Writing Can Be Highly Entertaining

  1. In a statement made to the police on the scene the guy who hit my mom 12 years ago (minor injuries only) said he was trying to figure out how to pour his tea into his ashtray (it had a “beverage holder” sticker over it where the pull out cup holder was located)

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