This is that awkward introduction that people have to give before showing you the recipe. I mean everyone knows that your going to give them a recipe, they don’t want to hear about your life story and the history of the food. And the intro is always so long! They have so many exclamation points and parenthesis (like they are telling you some kind of secret).
But really, nobody reads that thing.
Even if there are five exclamation points, parenthesis, and bold lettering. I just scroll down to the yummy pictures and the ingredient list. Because that’s why I clicked on the damn thing.
Anyway this recipe is a traditional recipe that I got from my grandmother who was a dragon slayer. As she was searching through the meadows for dragons one day, she found a plate with a slice of purple cheesecake on the ground. Since she didn’t have her daily snack of troll meat with mushrooms (follow the blog for a recipe on this soon) she was very hungry. So she ate the purple cheesecake and died. And that’s how the tradition was born! This is a classy recipe for classy people watching classy movies! It fun to make and to eat! It can also be wrapped up and given as a present to your non-significant other! (stay tuned to the end of the blog so see how!)
How can you stay tuned to a blog? It’s not television! Shut up and leave my English alone.
What does this have to do with Pi day? Absolutely nothing!
How to Make Purple Cheesecake:
1) Buy cheesecake.
I bought mine from Shop Rite for $11.35. You may buy it from another store at a cheaper price. Go ahead, you have my permission.
2) Put a slice of it on a plate.
This step is very crucial so be careful. The cheesecake MUST be placed on a white plate with yellow flowers. If you do not own such a plate take out a plain white plate and paint the yellow flowers on it. If you do not have yellow paint . . what’s wrong with you?
3) Turn on the oven and set it to 495 º
This is because you’re an adult and you can use the oven now.
4) Turn off the oven.
You don’t need the oven for this recipe.
5) Make the purple food coloring
Mix the red and blue food colorings to make purple. If you have no food coloring you can use crayons as substitute. Or berries too, I guess.
6) Pour the purple food coloring on the cheesecake.
Pour the purple food coloring on the cheesecake.
Ingredients for Purple Cheesecake:
As promised, the picture below shows a wonderful way to wrap the cheesecake.
I hope you enjoy this dessert and don’t choke and die! Or get purple poisoning!
Also 3.14159265 . . . . . ..
Have a nice day.