Today marks the tenth and a half year anniversary since my pet Chad went missing. He was a true and wonderful friend and I thought I can commemorate his memory today by telling you the story of how I met him.
I was on my way home from school when I saw Chad just laying there on the ground looking abandoned and sad. Well actually, I saw him after my sister stepped on him and he was stuck on her shoe.
ME: What the heck is stuck on your shoe?
HER: Hmmm it looks like a leaf. . .
ME: Wow its such a pretty leaf! It looks like a green heart! Let’s take it home with us and make it a pet!
HER: Yea but mom says we can only have one pet and we already have my pet Lisa the hotdog AND we already have Walter the stick AND Mustafa the snail as secret pets.
ME: Well we don’t actually have Lisa anymore, I ate her yesterday. Besides who keeps a hotdog for a pet, that’s soooo ssttttuuuuppppid.
HER: It’s not stupid! It has the word dog in it so yes it is a pet!! LEAF PETS ARE STUPID.
ME: YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!! You’re face is stupid!
HER: Oh yeah? Well your soul is stupid!! And I’m gonna eat this stupid leaf just like you ate Lisa!!
ME: NO you can’t eat CHAD! That’s cruel and you can get cancer or cellular devastation if you eat leaves!
ME: Yes and you will die.
HER: Like Lisa who’s dead now! *cries*
ME: You are the stupidest stupid person in this stupid world full of stupid people doing stupid things! Lisa was already dead meat when we bought her!
HER: You’re face is a stupid piece of dead meat! Its the stupidest piece of dead stupid meat it’s SO STUPID.
[The stupid exchange continues until we finally get home]
HER: Fine you can keep Chad under two conditions. . .
Then just like that I was able to keep Chad. We had a wonderful two days together. We went on walks, took baths together, and I got to draw on his face.
And I knew exactly who took him.
I had to do everyone’s chores for a month after I decapitated all my sisters barbies and tried to flush them down the toilet. I also put gum in her hair but I didn’t get in trouble for that because everyone just thought my sister did that to herself accidentally. All and all, it was all worth it. I had avenged Chad’s death (disappearance) while proving that I may have the potential to be an evil genius.
Oh and if anyone happens to see Chad can they please let him know I miss him and I wish he would come back home.