Naps are Cool and I’m Sleep Deprived

I like naps.

Naps are awesome, nifty, and grand.

Do you know that moment when your phone is about to die and then you plug it into a charger for a couple of minutes and it looks full?

Guess what? That is called an illusion because that thing is going to die soonish. Also, that’s basically what a nap is.

It’s the concept of I-feel-fully-charged-but-I’m-not-really-but-that’s-okay-because-I-think-I-am that really makes naps wonderful. Not only that, you also have a sense of “hey I’m awesome” because you feel like you took a shortcut in the game of life.

Naps are short.

Also, today’s post is short because all good things come in short packages.

As a tall person I resent that fact but what can I do? This is a scientific law of life, people.

Even the word nap is awesome! First it’s like NAhhh then it’s like Ahhh and then it’s like P. The word has a very Dr. Seuss-que aura.

One nap, two nap

red nap, blue nap

did you nap on the floor?

Yes I did now shut that door.

To feel great you should take a nap

look its my pet animal Wap

Let’s nap with Wap

From here to there and there to here

Waps that nap are everywhere.

 

. . . I think I reached my maximum stay awake threshold.

Preparing for shut down. . .

Goodnight everyone!

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 12

 

 

BREAKING NEWS: Kristen Stewart Smiles

This is a true story guys. Here is proof:

That’s a real picture! No Photoshop at all because I don’t even know how to use that thing (can someone teach me?). Also I doubt it’s a doppelganger of her standing there smiling in front of murdered zoo animals.

That means Kristen Stewart actually smiled.

WOW

Can I get a hurray from everyone for that?

I really think I should become one of those news people who write articles about important issues in the world. As you can see from above, I’m obviously very good at it.

Did I tell you that the dress she’s wearing is the same dress that some other girl who does films wore too?  Did I throughoutly confuse you with my confusing sentence structure and general randomness?

Good.

Because Syria and then there was a UFO sighting and congress. That movie that you didn’t know existed did terrible in (on? inside of ?) the box office and look a sport team did something.

I think you should all abandon your news sources and just come here for information. And if you don’t have a news source then congratulations because now you do. I am reliable, fair and balance, detailed, extremely organized, and very very attractive (we can pretend).

Everyone knows that people who didn’t know “throughoutly” was not a word until a red squiggly line appeared under it when they wrote it on their blog post are very trust worthy, newsy (write about news very well), attractive, awesome, and attractive.

That is an example of a confusing run on sentence, also known as rambling. (Ramblings are very important when it comes to being newsy.)

I will give you the information that you NEED to know!

Unicorn sightings!!

Parachute making!!

War and stuff and things that you should know but I won’t talk about because I can show you a recipe!

Fires and atomic bombs!

Massive bird genocide by a girl in New Jersey!

I even have a motto/slogan: Come to this site it has news!

 

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 11

Held Hostage

Hello everyone, Ann Archie is currently unavailable because she has been kidnapped by something called Procrastination.

We -her highly trained secret service body guard SEALs Batman Bear team – are working hard to bring her back. Please refrain from crying loudly, we are doing the best we can.

Since anyone can fall victim to procrastination and since many of you probably don’t have highly trained Batman Bear body guards we came up with a list of helpful stuff to help you help yourself.

How to NOT be a victim of Procrastination:

1) DO YOUR DAMN WORK, NOW.

And remember, only you can prevent forest fires.

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 10

How to Lie to Yourself Professionally

Final exam week is coming up! Everybody get excited!!

This is definitely my favorite part of the semester because it becomes my time to show the world how good I am AT LYING TO MYSELF.

But this year I will change. You see I have finally learned my lesson.

SO starting tomorrow I will enter rigorous study boot camp, where my only form of a break will be writing in this blog. This is serious time people.

Starting tomorrow.

Brand new beginning.

Tomorrow.

Right.
(right)

Challenge status (what is this about?): DAY 9

So I’m Probably Not Even a Girl, Maybe

I had the utmost pleasure today to run into a friend that I haven’t seen in years.

begin scene:

ME: Hey YOUUU!!

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Heyyyy I haven’t seen you in 53 billion years.

ME: No. It hasn’t been that long.

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: I was only exaggerating!! Hahahaha.

ME: Yea well stop it. It’s not mature and its only been 3.45 years

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Hahahaha you’re soo funny.

ME: Yes I know.

[ Enter the how have you been? and the great and the same ol’ same ol’. How’s your mother and your sisters, and your 3rd cousin twice removed? Do you still live in that place? And Stacy is pregnant OMG?]

ME: It was great catching up with you. I miss your craziness.

*HUGS*

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Yea we should hang out . .

ME: Yea sure!

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: No seriously, this weekend! Let’s do something nice . .let’s get our nails done!

ME: I’m not a nails done person.

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Okay, well we can just get some coffee and talk?

ME: I HATE coffee.

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Oh wow. That’s wow . .what the hell do you drink then? tea?

ME: Yes and hot chocolate and sometimes when I’m up for something dangerous I take a sip of water.

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Okay . . .hmmm . . . I got it!Let’s GO SHOPPING!!

ME: . . . .

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Are you okay?

ME: NO

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: What’s wrong?

I

HATE

SHOPPING

ME: NO SHOPPING!!!

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW: Wow. . I just. . . wow. . .are you even a girl?

end scene

It’s true, I hate shopping. In fact if you want to punish me all you have to do is throw me in some shopping store.

Now obviously there are many types of shopping. Here is my list with my most favorite to the I really hate you type:

1) Book shopping- can be classified as fun, makes me happy

2) Food shopping- really makes me happy to know I can eat all that stuff later

3) Clothes shopping- not fun, more like a chore

4) Every thing else in the word- seriously, everything else

5) SHOE SHOPPING

Oh My GOD. Shoe shopping. The worse thing ever. Why do people need so much styles of shoes? What’s wrong with them.

Now I love to dress up with cutsie pretty things (even shoes) but something about the whole shopping experience makes me want to cry. Its the rows and rows of clothing and shoes. I feel like they’re monster soldiers in formation getting ready to attack.

It makes me absolutely nauseous and it ruins the “fun” of shopping for everyone else. It’s hard for someone to enjoy themselves when someone else is whining “can we leave now” in their ear.

And so for this reason my femininity and feminhood has been threatened, how dare I be female and hate shopping ?

It’s not possible!

For that matter I must not even be human because who hates coffee??

I must be an alien zombie-face lion dinosaur, obviously. Also, I will probably name my kid that. Only if they are female though, it would be a dumb male name.

. . . .

 Okay everybody! It’s randomly change the subject time!

I finally “made” a twitter. I use the word made loosely because I honestly don’t know what I’ve done or how it works. But it’s done (I guess) so you all can like look at what I write there and whatever. There is a link of it on the side bar.

Warning: I tweet 19 kbillion times a minute,  I already made 2 billion tweets. So I might take up all the space in the internet.

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 8

MORE Jokes!

Did you hear about the man with no shoes?

No

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn’t, its right here.

What do you get when you cross a Llama with a snail?

Nothing, it’s not physically possible,

What’s tall and short and stuff?

That stuff that’s tall and short, you know.

Did you ever make ice cream?

Yes.

Say hurray for the turtles three times fast!

No

This is a cheeseburger:

A man’s wife died and when he went to get the coffin the guy in charge of the coffin selling place dies too. The man can’t believe it and says ” why is this happening to me”?? And the guy standing next to him the whole time says “I don’t know.”

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 8

POST IT GIRL and the Adventures of Life Problems!

It is that time again.

It is two hours before midnight and we find our heroine where we can always find her at that time, trying to write a post.

Alas, our heroine is much too sleepy, whiny, groany and moany to post anything. There is hunger in her stomach and tiredness in her eyes and laziness in her heart. These are afflictions that can make any healthy person fall on their knees and cry, but not our Post It girl. Unlike Post It Note Girl , who she is sometimes confused with, Post It Girl is made of much sterner stuff.

Post It Girl and her sidekick Monti the Motivational Hat use the powers of motivation to keep the WordPress Blog-sphere a weirder and more interesting place.

But wait! Here comes Life and all it’s Problems and buries our heroine in a pile of do to lists.

Is this the end of our beloved Post It Girl?

Will she ever post again?

Will zombies eat her brains and dance with baby squirrels?

Um. . .

Excuse me?

ME: What?

I have a suggestion, if I may.

ME: Yes??

What if,  instead of making millions of To Do lists you actually just do your work and that way . . .

ME: NO!

Pardon?

ME: NO Suggestions!

But you said yes . .

ME: Well I changed my mind. Now do your JOB!! Why do you think your name is Narrator??

Well actually that isn’t my name. My name is really . .

ME: I DON’T CARE!! Just narrate before I fire you and hire that guy over there!

That Guy Over There: I am ‘onored that you ‘ave chosen me for zis position, ven do I start?

Fine, fine.

ME: You will commence your narration?

Yes.

AHEM AHEM

As our heroine begins to lose consciousness due to the piles of lists suffocating her, she is visited by her wise friend the Great Omm in a vision.

“Oh Great Omm,” She cries. “How can I get out of here? How can I escape Life and all her Problems?!”

“In situations like these there is only one thing to do do.” Said the Great Omm. “You must keep calm, and make a Nutella sandwich.”

THE END

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 7