The Bad Day Vortex

You wake up in the morning and its raining, a lot. Also, you have no umbrella because that thing broke the last time it rained by a let’s pretend I’m a hair dryer and a tornado at the same time wind.

But it’s ok.

It’s just rain. Rain makes things grow and stuff, and that’s cool. It also makes earthworms come out of the dirt and then you step on them. It does this because it hates you and it’s probably going to use that same magic to make zombies rise for the zombie apocalypse.

At least I got rain boots.

It’s cool.

Until a speeding car splashes you with slushy dirty rain water. But you laugh because that stuff is only suppose to happen in movies! Since it happened to you, you must be real special.

It’s fine. It doesn’t mean that you’re having a bad day. You refuse to have a bad day.

It will get better . . .

The kids are late to school and girl kid is crying because she hates ponytails and no way is she going to school all ugly-like in a ponytail.

But girl kid, you say, you had a ponytail last week and it was fine.

Yea, says girl kid, but not anymore because ponytails are dumb farts.

Boy kid (realizing that a discussion on ponytail philosophy is on the horizon) decides that its a fine time to eat some ice cream and turn on the TV.

Kids are very lucky they are cute. Very lucky.

It’s still not a bad day. In fact it’s kinda, sorta normal and maybe a little teeny bit bad.

Look you got a 3 on your exam.

Look you fell in a puddle.

Look you forgot that report you stayed all night doing . . . at home.

Look you forgot your wallet! Awww you have nothing to eat? That’s okay you can STARVE.

Time to study in the super quiet library! Nope! There are no seats for you!!!

You will NOT have a bad day! You’re fine.

(it kinda is a bad day . .)

it’s feels like a bad day. .

Is that anger? no no no

Is your phone on vibrate? Did you put it on top of the stair banister for one second to wipe your tears? Good because someone called during that second and your phone vibrated off the banister and COMMITTED SUICIDE.

No anger. Anger BAD.

I’ll just (walk around angrily) find another place to sit.

WHY ARE THERE BIRDS SINGING WHEN IT’S RAINING?!?!?!? WHAT THE HELL BIRDS?!?!?!?!

oh no I think I’m angry

Grass, STOP MOCKING ME WITH YOUR GREENNESS!!

YES I’M DEFINITELY ANGRY. Look here’s the attractive face again!

HEY PHONE!! YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE CLEVER COMMITTING SUICIDE?!?! HERE, BE CLEVER IN THE HUDSON RIVER!!!

And that, officer, was why I was throwing my phone into the river. I swear I’m not crazy or intoxicated.

really!

REALLY!

Challenge status (what’s this about?): DAY 12

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9 thoughts on “The Bad Day Vortex

  1. I immediately took my hair out of my ponytail after reading this. I had no idea they were dumb farts. Thanks for coming through again with the top news stories of the day. That should make the day a little brighter, yes? No…oh, okay.

  2. Burial in the Hudson was a fitting end for that ungrateful phone. I hope you yelled something righteous before giving it the heave ho like “This one’s for Sully!”

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