The Life of a Non-Winner

I’m a non-winner.

I’m not a loser exactly, I just don’t win. I guess that means I’m just a whatever.

Sometimes that sucks, because never winning a real award is not really good for the ego. Which is why I made a blog, there are no awards! I can just pretend I’m a winner! It’s the perfect environment for me!

Dear Squareflea,



I was barely a day into the blogging universe when I realized that a bunch of people had a bunch of awards made up by some person nominating a bunch of people to get a bunch of awards. But that’s okay, they weren’t real awards right? RIGHT?? So I ignored them and continued to live in my award-free blogiverse.

Dear Squareflea,




Did you guys know that Freshly Pressed . . .(breathes) . . .


I thought those things were just things that people paid for to put their things on that page, not an award thing!

First of all, great job WordPress on coming up with such an aaammmaaazzziiinnngggglllyyy creative award name. Yeaaa hurray for you!!

And guess what?

I don’t care about your stupid award. Freshly Pressed blogs?? I don’t even freshly press my clothes!! Besides I want my words and my post to be free not constrained by a pressing thing!!

(Ok I just realized that maybe they were referring to a printing press and not clothing but really that’s stupid because this stuff is all digital. Also I’m pretending I didn’t realize that.)

Heck I don’t even iron my clothes. If they’re wrinkly I just use the who needs an iron I have a hand tool to get rid of them. Apparently my hand is a magical anti-wrinkle tool.

So since you (WordPress) seem(s) to think that everyone not on that page has wrinkly post, I would like to award every blogger who blogs on this thing with an award of my own.

I hereby present you all with a who needs an iron I have a hand and we can use Febreeze for freshness nobody even cares about awards anyway nanana pooopoooo Award.

Congrats to all the winners.

Challenge status (what’s this about?): DAY 21

5 thoughts on “The Life of a Non-Winner

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