Can’t Break The Chain

I’ve wanted to run a marathon for as long as I can remember, something about running for a long time without dying just really appeals to me. So for the past 5 years I trained for it by following a challenging workout routine.

Yes, I know my workout routine is very complicated but I’m one motivated girl! In the past 5 years I only skipped a day or two where I did not follow my routine and actually ran.

What can I say? I’m very commited.

Yet somehow, even today, I can’t run up the stairs without fainting and being rushed to the emergency room. My family was convinced that it is because my workout routine is terrible, something about heart, muscles, and breathing, whatever. When I told them how ridiculous that sounded they asked me to come up with a different reason as to why I couldn’t even shrug without wheezing. I told them I was possessed by the Korean demon of unmatharoning, psuiondin (obviously).

So then they made me banish it. That went really well, especially when I  realized the ceremony called for the burning of 5 $100 bills.

I got a real workout routine instead.

That was two months ago, and I still haven’t started it.

It’s not because I’m lazy or anything. In fact, it’s because of my extreme unlaziness.

You see, while consulting my personal advisor,, I found an excellent motivation technique discovered by the legendary scholar of motivation himself, Jerry Seinfeld. Using complicated mathmatical algorithms, Seinfeld developed an excellent technique called print-out-a-calendar-and-mark-each-day-you-complete-your-task-with-a-big-X, also known as don’t break the chain.

It’s a great idea. People don’t like seeing visual inconsistancy so they become more commited to the task. They strive to get the X at the end of the day so they can show it to their mommies and hang it on the fridge. Also it’s kinda like that snake game . Maybe.

It’s a great idea.

For everyone but me.

It only took me a minute to realize that I can’t break the chain if I never start it. Helloo loophole.  And so, I ended up accidentally discovering my own technique called don’t start the chain, ever. I utilized the same psychology used in Seinfield’s method to encourage lack of motivation and laziness. It’s kinda of like reverse psychology but not really. Because its the same psychology, just a reverse method. Instead of keeping a chain of Xs, I keep a chain of blanks, and I haven’t broken that chain for 2 months.

 I’m that good.

4 thoughts on “Can’t Break The Chain

  1. Yes!!! Who the hell wants an Xed up calendar? Not me, my friend.
    My spell check wanted to change “Xed” to “Cedar” because it obviously thought it was some sort of moth that was going to eat up all your sweaters. Clearly these Xs are all sorts of trouble.

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