Kids are Ruining My Life

When you hang around kids a lot strange things happen to your brain. Like for example your brain dies.

Also your brain turns into a children’s entertainment center. That’s nice.

Today I found myself singing Bingo was his name-o out loud during my economics class. That definitely earned  me +5 cool points.

Which is nice.

What’s nicer is that I’m not even a mother. I’m a part time babysitter. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified that one day I will wake up to find my blog transformed into one of those mommy blogs where I complain about “my” kids.

So you have that to look forward to.

That’s nice.

Then there is the part where I start acting like a kid once the actual kid is out of the equation It’s like there is no reason for me to be an adult if I don’t have to.

Bye bye Adulthood Case Study:

1) If I say  “see you later alligator” you MUST reply with “in a while crocodile” or else I will throw a tantrum.

2) I don’t like vegetables any more.

3) Did you know that eating lots of candy causes your teeth to rot and develop cavities? Yea, I don’t care.

4) “Please have the financial report on my desk by Thursday.”

“No! I don’t want to! You’re not the boss of me!”

“Actually I am.” Said my boss as he fired  me.

Things like this really make wonder why on earth I decided to be a babysitter, then I remember; I do it for money my love of children.

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The origin of cake

A long long time ago in the land of lets get people fat and stuff there lived a witch.

And this witch was a terrible person, like the worst person ever. She was all like I hate turtles. Seriously who does that? Also she liked math.

One day she looked into her crystal ball and saw something shocking. The crystal ball told the witch in a very crystal bally way that in 4 million years a beautiful girl who goes by the name of Square Flea will be born and be very beautiful and awesome. She will also be good a math. Moreover, there is nothing the witch can do about it.

“Cool.” Said the witch while violently throwing the crystal ball  on the floor.

Then she cried because the witch hated the beautiful awesome girl born 4 million years later. Especially if she was good at math. Especially if there was nothing she could do about it.

“Oh poor mio!” Wailed the witch while feeding her pet whale.

The she ate lunch, played checkers, and took a shower.

Also she invented cake. That was nice.

She then went to sleep.

She died four years later.

God bless her soul.

I’m Taking A Break! (Don’t miss me too much)

I just love surprises! They are so unpredictable and that just makes life so much more interesting!

Other times surprises make life a little more sad and depressing.

Why just the other day I was driving around when suddenly, an oven.

*Not a true story.

Nobody likes unpleasant surprises.

So I just wanted to take the time to tell you that I’m taking a break from this blog. I will not be posting anything until August 23, 2012.  So don’t think for a second that I would abandon this thing without warning you about it. Or that I’m just a lazy person who is too lazy to write anything because I’m  lazy. Also because I spend all day watching animal youtube videos until 3 AM. Or that I reached my quarter life crisis when I realized I take elevators to the second floor. Or that I tried to buy a house  in Detroit off of ebay for $2,546.

Did you know that Detroit’s crime rate decreased at a percentage much higher than any other city in the USA?

Also look at that house! Its beautiful and it has 3 bedrooms! And 1.75 bathrooms because you can always use the front yard!

But don’t be jealous! I’m a nice person so I’m gonna sell it to you guys for free! Only $2,550!

Send me a message if your interested!

In conclusion, I totally abandoned my blog because I’m lazy person who maybe bought a house in Detroit. In conclusion to the conclusion, I decided to pretend to give a warning way after I abandoned it. It’s like me telling you that you’re going to be murdered by being set on fire  while you are actually on fire. Also I’m the person who set you on fire. And then when you died of your burns I would tell everyone that I called it way before it happened. Then three days later a mob of people murder me.
It’s that type of situation.

Well I hope you guys don’t miss me too much.

Try not to cry. I’ll be back on August 23, 2012.