Someone should really make Play-Doh perfume, that way you can spray it on kids that did not have a childhood and they can pretend they did. Look everyone, you would say, my child has a great childhood because he plays with Play-Doh. But the truth is you just sprayed him with Play-Doh smelling perfume because you’re a terrible parent.
I really like the idea of a Post-it note. I mean its like a tiny paper with a sticky side and it usually comes in colors that no one would wear, what’s not to like about it.
One time, my friend was eating those hard Life Saver candies and he started to choke on them. We all started to laugh because we thought of how ironic it would be if he actually choked to death on a Life Saver. That’s why no one called for help, because it would be a great story to tell the grand kids.
I really want to buy a leather green jacket so that everyone can start calling me “that girl with the green leather jacket“. Then when I commit a crime, I would wear a black jacket and confuse the hell out of everyone.
Turtles are really stupid, I bet they have an IQ of 3.
I really hate it when I’m eating ice cream outside and then the kid from across the street turns into a butterfly and sits on it.
You know that feeling you get when you have to listen to someone with an annoying voice. You just spend the whole time wishing that you can have an annoying voice too so you can enter “American Idol” and then maybe the whole world can hate you.
Did you ever laugh so hard that you swallowed a kidney? Of course you did, how did you think it got there?
If I was Spider-Man I would kill myself because spiders are gross.
That awkward moment when you’re googling signs of heart attack because you think the person sitting next to you is having one and then they die.
Everyone was really nice to me out in the Wild West. Except for the part where some cowboy shot my leg off and I said “hey cowboy why did you shoot my leg off?” and the cowboy said “Caboose catgut nairn, ride ’em!”. Even though I really miss my leg we all had some good laughs.
I always keep a good book with me at all times. That way if I’m ever in a bank and it gets robbed and they say “EVERYBODY DOWN” I would have something to read while I’m down there. Because if you think about it, you would realize that it takes a very long time to gather all that money. You wouldn’t want to get bored.
One time this guy told me I told terrible jokes and that I’m not funny at all, so I fed his brains to zombies and laughed.