Powerpoint Lectures; a history and stuff

PowerPoint lectures were invented by the board of boredom. This elite but sleep-inducing board decided to meet one day to make the world a much boring place.

“Hmm,” they said. “How can we make the universe a more boring place?

“I know!” said the vice president of the board in a monotone. “We can have PowerPoint presentations for lectures in college.”

“And we can make the rooms incubator warm and turn the lights off!” Said another member while texting his girlfriend.

“Great idea!” said the entire board as they promptly fell asleep.

And so the board of boredom went out to the world to enforce PowerPoint lectures. Sponsored by the board of naps and the board of what the heck is this class about anyway, they cornered innocent and normally enthusiastic  professors and injected them boredom. Also they gave them completely  foreign accents that you cannot understand because what the point of understanding a lecture? They also met with the board of education and forced them to adhere to their ways. The board of education, being bored of education, said sure dudes.

No one was safe.

THEY did this! Even after I said that the Statue of Liberty cannot swim.

The board of boredom was no longer a bore, they now had a purpose. They raped churches and blasted Justin Bieber songs. They also burned all nonconforming professors at the stake. Also they stoned people, which is bad.

Not cool dudes.

No one was happy. Well, except the Microsoft guy because PowerPoint is part of his company and now everyone was using it so he’s getting more money. Except that guy is so rich he probably wouldn’t notice the extra $100 million.

So yea, no one is happy.

So lets get rid of this thing, okay?

A wonderful night for a poem

The moon is bright and that is cool
it reminds me of lovers that love each other like school
what? that doesn’t make sense you say

There is a little house in the woods
its full of lots of things and stuff
also things
and it loves like a wondering moon
it loves like turkeys singing at noon
also spoon, soon, and prune

Oh! cries the bear in flight
If only you knew about Santa’s delight
but you don’t and that’s too bad for you

I like cheese

It ain’t over till the fat lady sin(g)(k)s?

Ladies and gentlemen, today I have made a startling discovery that has completely changed my life around. You see, all my life I have been saying “it ain’t over until the fat lady sinks” when it is actually “it ain’t over until the fat lady sings“. For those of you who were on the same boat and thought that the fat lady fell over and sunk, I have come to inform you that the fat lady was never at risk for drowning. In fact she was at the karaoke, singing.

But let it be known that I am not here to admit defeat, rather this is a draft of rebellion. I have come to unite all my sinkers against the tyrant rule of the singers. For those of you who are neutral on this issue, I ask you to please consider the sinking side.

But why?

Nobody would ever want to be on the sinking side.

The answer is very straightforward

I mean think about it -it aint over till the fat lady sings- what does that even MEAN? It doesn’t even make sense. What does singing have to do with something being over?

According to the internet,  it references a certain opera where a certain fat lady sings at the end.You know what I’m talking about, the buxom woman with the horned helmet, spear, and shield who’s voice may or may not break  glass.  So I guess it makes sense if you really think about it.

. . .

Not really.


Sinking makes much more sense. The end is death, the fat lady isn’t dead until she sinks and suffocates in whatever she in sinking in.

I wanted to draw you all a picture to demonstrate that effect except they never say what she is sinking in. I would ask them, if I knew who they were. So I’m sure it would be just fine to assume anything we wish.

She can be sinking in water.

She can be sinking in glue, or chocolate, or gold coins.

She can sinking in air, because air is a fluid too.

But nobody dies by drowning in air!!*

And so now we have reached the ultimate reason of why you should join the sinking side; you can have extended metaphors!

air- never sink- never over

dead sea -never sink- never over

cupcakes- maybe sink- very yummy

happiness- definitely sink- maybe over but you’re happy so stop complaining

Consider this:

Motivational speaker guy: They say it ain’t over until the fat lady sinks but I say she is in air so she will never sink. It will NEVER be over! We will prevail!!

Compared to this:

Sorry excuse for a motivational speaker guy: They say say it ain’t over until the fat lady sings. So somebody duct tape her mouth shut! And surgically remove her vocal cords! It will NEVER be over! We will prevail!!

See how demeaning and violent the singing side is? I rest my case.

See you all in the quicksand.

*Please note that “sinking in air” does not mean the same thing as falling off a cliff and dying. It simply means being completely covered by air, like when your standing, or sitting, or sleeping, and you cannot die from it. Well you can but it wouldn’t be the air’s fault. It would be YOUR fault or rather the fault of guy choking you.

Think about that and have  a nice day!