I don’t care about your pocket full of posies (ashes, ashes, all fall down)

Hello everyone, I just want to congratulate you all on reading a title that I made up randomly because I’m weird.

Now let’s talk about chicken.

In about 2 days I’m going to roast a whole chicken and then I’m going to eat it. Afterwards I will watch tv while eating ice cream. This is called Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is an American holiday commemorating everyone’s love of turkeys and cranberries and pumpkin pie. Basically what happened was that long time ago, like 40 years ago, after the dinosaurs died there was a shortage of food and everyone was happy. Then no one was happy. Then everyone got depressed. Then for some reason somebody thought that the depression was awesome so the called it the Great!! Depression!
Some time passes, like 5 years, and someone finds a turkey. They cook it and eat.

Some more time passes, like 2 years later, someone finds a pumpkin. They pie it and eat.

Then Abraham Lincoln gets shot in a theater. Guess what? There were cranberries in that theater. Someone finds them and eats them.

And that’s how thanksgiving was discovered by Christopher Columbus.

Now the real funny part is I hate turkey, therefore chicken.

This is called irony. It is also called badly written made up stuff.

*This post does not contain any pictures because I’m lazy.

Cinco Jars De Mayo.

Once upon a time, there were five jars of lonely mayo sitting on a store shelf.

Nobody will ever buy us! They cried.

That was true because those things were expired.

Until . . . .are those sounds of footsteps?

Yes they are!  Someone was coming!

That someone was me and I didn’t buy any mayo.

 

Challenge status (what’s this about?): DAY 15

How to Make Purple Cheesecake for Pi Day!

This is that awkward introduction that people have to give before showing you the recipe. I mean everyone knows that your going to give them a recipe, they don’t want to hear about your life story and the history of the food. And the intro is always so long! They have so many exclamation points and parenthesis (like they are telling you some kind of secret).

But really, nobody reads that thing.

Even if there are five exclamation points, parenthesis, and bold lettering.  I just scroll down to the yummy pictures and the ingredient list. Because that’s why I clicked on the damn thing.

Anyway this recipe is a traditional recipe that I got  from my grandmother who was a dragon slayer. As she was searching through the meadows for dragons one day, she found a plate with a slice of purple cheesecake on the ground. Since she didn’t have her daily snack of troll meat with mushrooms (follow the blog for a recipe on this soon) she was very hungry. So she ate the purple cheesecake and died. And that’s how the tradition was born! This is a classy recipe for classy people watching classy movies! It fun to make and to eat! It can also be wrapped up and given as a present to your non-significant other! (stay tuned to the end of the blog so see how!)

How can you stay tuned to a blog? It’s not television!  Shut up and leave my English alone.

What does this have to do with Pi day? Absolutely nothing!

How to Make Purple Cheesecake:

1) Buy cheesecake.

I bought mine from Shop Rite for $11.35. You may buy it from another store at a cheaper price. Go ahead, you have my permission. Continue reading

Hurray for the Chicken Bone!

Envision the following scenario:

After a delicious dinner of fried chicken, a careless eater drops a chicken bone on the floor. While clearing the table you spot the conspicuous chicken bone on the ground.

What do you do?

A. Make the person who dropped it eat it.

B.  Throw it out.

C.  Use it to conduct a highly scientific study on chicken bones that might lead to the cure of cancer.

D.  Add it to your chicken bone collection.

E.  Use it to invent a fun new game that kind of sounds like you’re cleaning but really is not because its actually a totally fun game.

If you chose (E) then your in luck, because I’ve already invented that thing!

Once you gathered all your material together you will be ready to play the best game ever!

And that’s how you play the greatest game ever!

Have a nice day.