The Six Days of Sandy

There are many important things I would like to importantly discuss with you today.

First of all, I miss this place  . . a  lot. I don’t know what I was thinking when I stopped writing here but whatever that thought was it probably had to do with food because I love food and it tastes good.

Number secondly, I changed a lot as a person. The square flea is not longer as squary or fleay as before. The bad humor based on randomness and incorrect sentence structures that make no sense are still here, but there has been a major change. I no longer consider Nutella the best thing ever.

Yes.

I said it.

The best thing ever is electricity because that thing gives you the internet (also heat, light, phone, tv but most importantly internet). I love that thing.

Many of you might not be aware but there was a hurricane thing that hit the east coast. For some reason they called it Sandy and that reason is probably due to an ex girlfriend. Anyway, Sandy came and was like here’s some water people! That’s called flooding. Then she took my electricity because she’s a stealing *****.  Also Sandy is a Amish fanatic and was on a mission to forcefully convert everyone into following her radical views. And I became Amish for 5 days. Afterwards the great PSE&G (we make things work for you) blessed me and made things work for me again. Now things are okay again. Recovery and such.

Oh, here are some pictures I took! With one line commentaries!

We are gonna need a mop.

Poor car 😦

The roof! The roof! The roof is on  . .oh wait. .

Sandy: she ruins your bike ride.

Some people wake up early to get gas, others wake up early with gas.

My sentiments exactly.

On a serious note everyone is doing better here. Some people got hit worse than others but we are all helping each other clean up to get back on our feet again. Power slowly getting back to everyone and we are very thankful for it. 🙂

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The elections and stuff

Politics are cool!

There is nothing I enjoy more than discussing politics, except maybe discussing politics on Facebook.  Believe it or not, I used to hate everybody who always  facebook raped me  posted  their political views. Here were all my friends having intelligent in depth political debates while I was all like “look, I’m eating a bagel”. I mean I do have a political opinion but I just never saw the need to advertise it.

This year, it all changed.

THE SQUARE FLEA GOES POLITICAL. coming fall2012

That’s right people, get excited. I realized that I can force people to listen to something they don’t want to listen to by forcing them to listen. It’s like a paradox or something. So I started commenting on some of my friends political statuses, taking the opposite side of course:

YOU’ RE OBVIOUSLY A NAZI TERRORIST IRANIAN PIRATE WHO HATES AMERICAAA.

HOW STUPID ARE YOU? OR DO YOU JUST HATE AMERICA THAT MUCH?!?!?!

That worked out great!

I got blocked. That’s nice.

Then I realized that I was missing something . . .apparently there is an etiquette that must be used when violently disagreeing with a Facebook friend. It’s called the I’m going to insult you but put on so much hearts, smiley faces, and compliments that you won’t notice, but you will notice because I’m obviously calling you a dumbass technique.

Behold:

-I have to respectfully disagree 🙂  just because Romney loves cheese, doesn’t make him the best choice for America.

-That’s fine 😀 but I don’t get how you don’t see that Obama actually stopped cancer by winking at someone who had it . I mean it’s on the news.

-You probably have a low brain cell count, it’s cute 😉 It’s probably why I love you so much ❤

-I know you love Romney but he’s a stupid lying idiot who probably doesn’t know how to add and anyone who votes for him is stupid. Love youuuu 😉

-Obama is aMuslim socialist trying to destroy the American dream, can’t believe you support that idiot who hates the USA. btw the earrings you had on today were sooo pretttyy ❤

Eventually I realized that I don’t only have to comment on other people’s statuses, I can write my own politically charged status. And I can support whoever I want!!

“We built it!” – The Republicans
“Yes we can!” – The Democrats
“Can we build it? Yes we can!” – Bob the Builder
BOB THE BUILDER 2012

BOOM!!

Success! I mean who wouldn’t support a candidate like that? Especially when the campaign slogan is BOOM!

BOB THE BUILDER. BOOM!

Kids are Ruining My Life

When you hang around kids a lot strange things happen to your brain. Like for example your brain dies.

Also your brain turns into a children’s entertainment center. That’s nice.

Today I found myself singing Bingo was his name-o out loud during my economics class. That definitely earned  me +5 cool points.

Which is nice.

What’s nicer is that I’m not even a mother. I’m a part time babysitter. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified that one day I will wake up to find my blog transformed into one of those mommy blogs where I complain about “my” kids.

So you have that to look forward to.

That’s nice.

Then there is the part where I start acting like a kid once the actual kid is out of the equation It’s like there is no reason for me to be an adult if I don’t have to.

Bye bye Adulthood Case Study:

1) If I say  “see you later alligator” you MUST reply with “in a while crocodile” or else I will throw a tantrum.

2) I don’t like vegetables any more.

3) Did you know that eating lots of candy causes your teeth to rot and develop cavities? Yea, I don’t care.

4) “Please have the financial report on my desk by Thursday.”

“No! I don’t want to! You’re not the boss of me!”

“Actually I am.” Said my boss as he fired  me.

Things like this really make wonder why on earth I decided to be a babysitter, then I remember; I do it for money my love of children.

The origin of cake

A long long time ago in the land of lets get people fat and stuff there lived a witch.

And this witch was a terrible person, like the worst person ever. She was all like I hate turtles. Seriously who does that? Also she liked math.

One day she looked into her crystal ball and saw something shocking. The crystal ball told the witch in a very crystal bally way that in 4 million years a beautiful girl who goes by the name of Square Flea will be born and be very beautiful and awesome. She will also be good a math. Moreover, there is nothing the witch can do about it.

“Cool.” Said the witch while violently throwing the crystal ball  on the floor.

Then she cried because the witch hated the beautiful awesome girl born 4 million years later. Especially if she was good at math. Especially if there was nothing she could do about it.

“Oh poor mio!” Wailed the witch while feeding her pet whale.

The she ate lunch, played checkers, and took a shower.

Also she invented cake. That was nice.

She then went to sleep.

She died four years later.

God bless her soul.

I’m Taking A Break! (Don’t miss me too much)

I just love surprises! They are so unpredictable and that just makes life so much more interesting!

Other times surprises make life a little more sad and depressing.

Why just the other day I was driving around when suddenly, an oven.

*Not a true story.

Nobody likes unpleasant surprises.

So I just wanted to take the time to tell you that I’m taking a break from this blog. I will not be posting anything until August 23, 2012.  So don’t think for a second that I would abandon this thing without warning you about it. Or that I’m just a lazy person who is too lazy to write anything because I’m  lazy. Also because I spend all day watching animal youtube videos until 3 AM. Or that I reached my quarter life crisis when I realized I take elevators to the second floor. Or that I tried to buy a house  in Detroit off of ebay for $2,546.

Did you know that Detroit’s crime rate decreased at a percentage much higher than any other city in the USA?

Also look at that house! Its beautiful and it has 3 bedrooms! And 1.75 bathrooms because you can always use the front yard!

But don’t be jealous! I’m a nice person so I’m gonna sell it to you guys for free! Only $2,550!

Send me a message if your interested!

In conclusion, I totally abandoned my blog because I’m lazy person who maybe bought a house in Detroit. In conclusion to the conclusion, I decided to pretend to give a warning way after I abandoned it. It’s like me telling you that you’re going to be murdered by being set on fire  while you are actually on fire. Also I’m the person who set you on fire. And then when you died of your burns I would tell everyone that I called it way before it happened. Then three days later a mob of people murder me.
It’s that type of situation.

Well I hope you guys don’t miss me too much.

Try not to cry. I’ll be back on August 23, 2012.

Where I discover that I don’t know how to be a sellout

Yesterday, I decided to become a sellout to get more views on my blog and become rich and famous.

Wait.

That wasn’t yesterday . . . that was 8 days ago!!

Damn time machine. I thought I turned it off.

In other news, I don’t know how to be a sellout.

First I was like my sellout idea is great! I will be rich and people won’t like me! Then I was like eww do I really want to be a Snookie? And then I was like yeahhhh I doo! Afterwards I wondered if sellout is one word  or two. Then I googled it. Somehow I ended up in a royal Persian cat selling site and so here we are, 8 days later.

Did you know that if you don’t write anything for 8 days you get something called ZERO views?

Did you know Mt Everest is located in Nepal?

Did you know my time machine goes only forwards and not back except for that time that I banged my head and thought I was 4?

Did you know that the are 3 royal Persian kittens available as of 6 days ago?

Hitler Cat? Is that you?

I just can’t make this up people.

Back to the topic at hand (Ha like there is one), I need to change my tune to become more popular. So I decided (another one of my decisions oh boy!) that I will mimic the most popular website ever!

 

GOOGLE.COM!!

I have to become a search engine!

Just type your searches in the comment section and I will google them and get back to you!

. . .

Somehow I don’t think this will make me popular, or make me any money.

Let try this again:

I HAVE NAKED PICTURES OF EVERY CELEBRITY IN THE WORLD, THAT’S RIGHT EVEN THE GUY WHO SAYS THAT ONE WORD IN THAT ONE FILM. IF I GET 100000000 LIKES BY TOMORROW I WILL POST THEM AND SUCH.

I need money

Sometimes I ask myself “what the hell are you doing?”, other times I don’t ask myself anything. Sometimes I drink water.

In other news . . .

I need money!  Because student loans are all like give me money! And I’m like chill dudes, it’s okay! I can get the money!

Except I have a serious problem, it’s called I don’t know how to rob a bank without getting caught and loans need money and my  job is like here’s 50 cents!

So I’m going to try to get money off this blog.  . . I’m going to be a sell out.

Look, after getting another shift of work I no longer have time to write for my enjoyment, I have resolved to become the Kim Kardashian and Snookie of the blog world. Yes, I might become orange, obtain a pornilicious bum, and probably be the most hated person in the world but I will be rich dammit!

In order to do that I need more than 5 views a day soooo I’m going to be a sell out. My intention will no longer be to write for me but to write for the views. That’s right! And if you have a problem with that then you can rant about it on your blog and make sure there is a direct link to mine.

AND DON’T TRY TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE BECAUSE I’M NOT LISTENING!!
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO BE FAMOUS AND RICH!

PLEASE LIKE ME!!!! PLEASE!

Okay, goodnight everyone.