BREAKING NEWS: Kristen Stewart Smiles

This is a true story guys. Here is proof:

That’s a real picture! No Photoshop at all because I don’t even know how to use that thing (can someone teach me?). Also I doubt it’s a doppelganger of her standing there smiling in front of murdered zoo animals.

That means Kristen Stewart actually smiled.

WOW

Can I get a hurray from everyone for that?

I really think I should become one of those news people who write articles about important issues in the world. As you can see from above, I’m obviously very good at it.

Did I tell you that the dress she’s wearing is the same dress that some other girl who does films wore too?  Did I throughoutly confuse you with my confusing sentence structure and general randomness?

Good.

Because Syria and then there was a UFO sighting and congress. That movie that you didn’t know existed did terrible in (on? inside of ?) the box office and look a sport team did something.

I think you should all abandon your news sources and just come here for information. And if you don’t have a news source then congratulations because now you do. I am reliable, fair and balance, detailed, extremely organized, and very very attractive (we can pretend).

Everyone knows that people who didn’t know “throughoutly” was not a word until a red squiggly line appeared under it when they wrote it on their blog post are very trust worthy, newsy (write about news very well), attractive, awesome, and attractive.

That is an example of a confusing run on sentence, also known as rambling. (Ramblings are very important when it comes to being newsy.)

I will give you the information that you NEED to know!

Unicorn sightings!!

Parachute making!!

War and stuff and things that you should know but I won’t talk about because I can show you a recipe!

Fires and atomic bombs!

Massive bird genocide by a girl in New Jersey!

I even have a motto/slogan: Come to this site it has news!

 

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 11

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Lies and Propaganda and How I Wanted to Become a Zookeeper

Today I  watched the morning  news.

I  never watch the morning news. I have far more important things to do, like sleep. But today something has changed within me, witnessing the morning news has really open my eyes to what’s important. No longer shall I wallow in ignorance, for I have now tasted the sweet nectar of knowledge. I know now that nothing is as important as the voice and opinion of the people and no place is better at giving it than the morning news. I no longer have to venture through the dangerous streets of the internet searching for comments to read. No longer must I completely skip a news article or a video to read the mind inspiring comments below.  I have found a new power source and it all starting with this life changing news story. . .

I learned many things at the moment. First, I was not aware that one must dress up, all fancy like, to enjoy what Target had to offer. Continue reading