The elections and stuff

Politics are cool!

There is nothing I enjoy more than discussing politics, except maybe discussing politics on Facebook.  Believe it or not, I used to hate everybody who always  facebook raped me  posted  their political views. Here were all my friends having intelligent in depth political debates while I was all like “look, I’m eating a bagel”. I mean I do have a political opinion but I just never saw the need to advertise it.

This year, it all changed.

THE SQUARE FLEA GOES POLITICAL. coming fall2012

That’s right people, get excited. I realized that I can force people to listen to something they don’t want to listen to by forcing them to listen. It’s like a paradox or something. So I started commenting on some of my friends political statuses, taking the opposite side of course:

YOU’ RE OBVIOUSLY A NAZI TERRORIST IRANIAN PIRATE WHO HATES AMERICAAA.

HOW STUPID ARE YOU? OR DO YOU JUST HATE AMERICA THAT MUCH?!?!?!

That worked out great!

I got blocked. That’s nice.

Then I realized that I was missing something . . .apparently there is an etiquette that must be used when violently disagreeing with a Facebook friend. It’s called the I’m going to insult you but put on so much hearts, smiley faces, and compliments that you won’t notice, but you will notice because I’m obviously calling you a dumbass technique.

Behold:

-I have to respectfully disagree 🙂  just because Romney loves cheese, doesn’t make him the best choice for America.

-That’s fine 😀 but I don’t get how you don’t see that Obama actually stopped cancer by winking at someone who had it . I mean it’s on the news.

-You probably have a low brain cell count, it’s cute 😉 It’s probably why I love you so much ❤

-I know you love Romney but he’s a stupid lying idiot who probably doesn’t know how to add and anyone who votes for him is stupid. Love youuuu 😉

-Obama is aMuslim socialist trying to destroy the American dream, can’t believe you support that idiot who hates the USA. btw the earrings you had on today were sooo pretttyy ❤

Eventually I realized that I don’t only have to comment on other people’s statuses, I can write my own politically charged status. And I can support whoever I want!!

“We built it!” – The Republicans
“Yes we can!” – The Democrats
“Can we build it? Yes we can!” – Bob the Builder
BOB THE BUILDER 2012

BOOM!!

Success! I mean who wouldn’t support a candidate like that? Especially when the campaign slogan is BOOM!

BOB THE BUILDER. BOOM!

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I am the AMERICANEST

There is this game that’s been going on for a while. It’s actually really fun.

It’s called “You’re not even American so get out of my country!”. This game is probably the most popular game in America!

Politicians play it,  old people play it, young people play it, and even those people that live across the street play it. All you have to do to start the game is to accuse someone with different ideology, background, or fingerprint of not being an American.

It goes like this:

You’re not even American!

Just saying that is UN-AMERICAN so that means you’re not even American!!

Oh yea?? Well I’m 1/8 Native American

Oh yea?? Well I’m a firefighter and I have a pet bald eagle!

Oh yea?? Well I’m a Marine and I’m a direct descendent of George Washington!!

Oh yea? Well EVERYONE in my family including my 5 year old sister is a Marine AND I have 6 kbillion American flags at home”

Oh yea???

YEAHHH

WELL I SING THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER IN THE SHOWER

WELL I’M A NAVY SEAL!!!

YOU’RE A LIAR!! THERE ARE NO FEMALE NAVY SEALS!!!!!!!!!

WELL I’M SOO AMERICAN THAT I BECAME ONE!

WELLLLLLLLLL I’M SOOOOOOOOOO AMERICAN THAT I’M ENGLISH!!!!

. . . .

oh shoot. I meant like my ancestors came from England on the Mayflower . .

Nope . .

Soo that means I’m like a super American because I’m English . .

Nope . .

. . . . damn . . .

I WINNN! NOW GET OUT MY COUNTRY!

This game is awesome and I encourage all to play!

Not American-o?

NO PROBLEM-O. Try the cool spin-off game “God hates you, so go die!”. This game is very fun to play with people who have different religions or a different sexual orientation. Moreover, this game is suitable for ALL age groups so you can even play with children. Because why not?? It will teach them very important life values or something.

Happy playing!

Challenge status (what’s this about?): DAY 23

BREAKING NEWS: Kristen Stewart Smiles

This is a true story guys. Here is proof:

That’s a real picture! No Photoshop at all because I don’t even know how to use that thing (can someone teach me?). Also I doubt it’s a doppelganger of her standing there smiling in front of murdered zoo animals.

That means Kristen Stewart actually smiled.

WOW

Can I get a hurray from everyone for that?

I really think I should become one of those news people who write articles about important issues in the world. As you can see from above, I’m obviously very good at it.

Did I tell you that the dress she’s wearing is the same dress that some other girl who does films wore too?  Did I throughoutly confuse you with my confusing sentence structure and general randomness?

Good.

Because Syria and then there was a UFO sighting and congress. That movie that you didn’t know existed did terrible in (on? inside of ?) the box office and look a sport team did something.

I think you should all abandon your news sources and just come here for information. And if you don’t have a news source then congratulations because now you do. I am reliable, fair and balance, detailed, extremely organized, and very very attractive (we can pretend).

Everyone knows that people who didn’t know “throughoutly” was not a word until a red squiggly line appeared under it when they wrote it on their blog post are very trust worthy, newsy (write about news very well), attractive, awesome, and attractive.

That is an example of a confusing run on sentence, also known as rambling. (Ramblings are very important when it comes to being newsy.)

I will give you the information that you NEED to know!

Unicorn sightings!!

Parachute making!!

War and stuff and things that you should know but I won’t talk about because I can show you a recipe!

Fires and atomic bombs!

Massive bird genocide by a girl in New Jersey!

I even have a motto/slogan: Come to this site it has news!

 

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 11

Make Him Famous, How Super Heroes Are Made

There are many moments in life that bring us inspiration. They breathe in us power and passion and make us believe that we can actually succeed and make a change. That that slightly impossible idea you had can actually grow. Yes I will make it to the Olympics! Yes I will get into medical school! Yes I will change the world!

It lasts for two seconds.

And then you let it go. It is gone.

And you laugh and shake your head. How silly of you to think such thoughts. They are IMPOSSIBLE.

You need power.

You need money.

You need a miracle.

And that my friends is how you murder the superhero within. You dream a beautiful dream, but you are so terrified of failure and looking like a fool that you abandon it.

Just like that your inspiration is gone, you lose that chance of becoming a super hero and melt back into the dull routines of your life. Sometimes, that idea comes back to visit , urging your consideration, begging for a chance to live. You ignore it. Because when it comes to things that matter, powerful ideas and life changing goals, you see yourself as worthless. And so it dies.

I don’t know how many of you have seen the KONY 2012 film. If not check it out below, it’s definitely worth your time:

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