Why You Did Not Win the Mega Millions Lottery, A Statiscal Breakdown (with graphs and stuff)

Please Note: This post contains so much accurate and mathy stats as well as very graphy graphs and (stuffy) stuff that it can actually be dangerous to your health. It may cause seizures, nose bloods, and cholera. Please proceed with caution.

There was really no possible way for you to win the Mega Millions lottery of over a half a billion dollars, I knew that before you even bought your ticket. While you were feeling that awesome feeling of hope and thinking What if? while imagining yourself sleeping on a magnificent pile of money, I was laughing at you.

I was laughing at you very very hard because seriously how old are you?

You are more likely to die right now and/or have tea with a unicorn than win the Mega Millions lottery.

I conducted further studies on this issue using mathematical algorithms and symbols no one knows. The proof is presented below:

Then if you carry the 1. . .

You will get (a) very clear and obvious answer(s).

You are more likely to . . .than win the Mega Millions Lottery

1) Have a sex change operation and become a vegan

2) Get married to Justin Bieber on the surface of the moon by Mother Theresa

3) Get possessed by the devil four times while riding a unicycle and playing a didgeridoo

To sum it all up for those reading this who can’t understand math; No, you will not win the lottery.

And as promised, here is some stuff:

Now go and have a nice day!