It’s Adventure Time! Two Minutes in My Head.

This is probably a terrible idea but I’m going to just write everything that crosses my mind in the next two minutes. Or what I think is two minutes.

This is a bad idea.

There is a vacuum in my head. I mean I’ve gone completely blank. Scumbag brain! I usually have a battlefield of thoughts in there but today when I actually want to write my thoughts down they commit mass suicide. How can I think of nothing? That’s not even possible. Except with that thing where you think nothing and everyone is like wow dude that’s amazing. It’s kind of like meditation but not really. Or enlightenment! I saw a video about that before, when this lady had a stroke and she was like I reached enlightenment! It’s like thinking of everything and nothing at the same time. Like you have a thousand billion thoughts in your brain but they’re all wearing invisibility cloaks. So they’re all there but not really. I’ve reached nirvana!?!

No. No, I didn’t.

I’m just going to think of flowers. I really like flowers, especially lilies and roses. Like a whole field of them and then I can run through a field of flowers like a corny movie and everyone will say look that that beautiful girl and her pet dinosaur. And then I’ll get on his back and we can fly over the field of roses since he is that type of dinosaur that flies. The one with the wings, I forget their name. Then we can have a barbeque and I’ll eat a cheeseburger. Maybe there will be a cat. No, wait there is a cat and she’s birdisaurus’ wife. And look! There are their children. A rare breed of catobirdisaurus, isn’t that just grand! Especially since they breathe fire and that unicorn keeps cooking all the burgers super rare. Bastard. Unicorns are nifty and all but they are terrible cooks. There was definitely a lemon in that cheese burger. Dragons are the best cooks. Too bad they are not real.

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a slide all around the world? Like one big slide and then you go on and visit all the countries as you’re sliding by. Also there would be a rule that as you slide by the natives of the corresponding country must give you food. Maybe a massage too. Although that won’t be possible since you’re sliding and there is no way they can give you a massage that quick. Otherwise it’s a pretty good idea. Realistically they can just wave and cheer you on like you’re running a marathon, but you’re not.

Still a massage would be nice. This thing is getting to long and I don’t how to end it.

Here is a haiku:

I like cheese okay

I forgot how to write haiku

This is definitly wrong, I will google


Have a nice life everybody.

You Probably Think You’re so Cool but You’re NOT! You’re MEAN.

I know a lot of meanie faces. A meanie face is a face that is mean.

Well its a little bit more complicated than that. It’s not really just the face that counts it’s also the body and the brains. Especially the brains, they are the meanie thoughts birthing chamber. I hope a zombie comes along and eats your meanie thought babies.

Well unless the zombie becomes mean after eating the meanie thoughts due to some scientific method called the “you are what you eat”  theory.

Except all zombies are already kind of mean because they eat brains and stuff.

Except they need to eat the brains to survive so its not really their fault.

Maybe if we sacrifice mean people brains and then when the zombies are full we can all sit down together and have tea parties. With scones. And maybe the zombies will have an English accent! They may even know where the unicorns are?!?!? THE UNICORNS!

At this point you’re probably wondering what the hell am I reading but I promise you there is a point. The zombies part is an extended metaphor or irony or onomatopoeia . Basically it’s really deep but you won’t understand because I’m such a sophisticated writer.

THE POINT!! Alright the point of this blog is that someone was mean to me today (for no reason) and if you are a mean person you should stop. Because really it’s not cool. So stop. Please.

I mean you don’t know me! You don’t know my life story and you have no right to bring me down. It hurts my sadness and madness and happiness. It hurts ALL my feeling. Plus it makes me write in this blog thing I started and blab about zombies in tea parties. The internet does not need that so just stop.

Some advice: If you are feeling mean just keep your mouth shut. There is no reason for you to hurt the world. That makes you an evil villain and they suck. Also if you (as in all the mean people of the world who are reading this) continue your meaningful shenanigans (wait meaningful is a good thing, I mean mean! Ughh I can’t mean what I mean because these words are meaningless) something worse that zombies eating your brains will happen.

I will come to your house and eat all your ice cream.

And I won’t stop.

Even if you slobber cry.

Because I believe that is the rightful punishment for your crimes and because I really love ice cream.

Have a nice day/night. See nice, not mean.