So I Wrote a Story?

Once upon a time there was a girl who was really excited to have her own blog and stuff. She was like I’m gonna write on this thing forever! (yo)

Once upon a time, she did

Then once upon a time more recent than that other once upon a time, she didn’t.

Then she got really lazy and was like maybe if I just think really hard, my thoughts will magically type themselves.

They didn’t.

Also she found out that magic markers actually didn’t have any magic in them.

She cried.

Then she sued.

Then she lost.

She cried again.

Then she found a prince.

Just kidding, she didn’t.

Then she was like I can just make up excuses about how busy and tired I am.

So she did.

Then there was a fairy godmother who was like, here is a kbillion dollars.

No, no there wasn’t.

“Wow! This is the best fairy tale/ story I have ever read!” Said no one ever.

THE END

POST IT GIRL and the Adventures of Life Problems!

It is that time again.

It is two hours before midnight and we find our heroine where we can always find her at that time, trying to write a post.

Alas, our heroine is much too sleepy, whiny, groany and moany to post anything. There is hunger in her stomach and tiredness in her eyes and laziness in her heart. These are afflictions that can make any healthy person fall on their knees and cry, but not our Post It girl. Unlike Post It Note Girl , who she is sometimes confused with, Post It Girl is made of much sterner stuff.

Post It Girl and her sidekick Monti the Motivational Hat use the powers of motivation to keep the WordPress Blog-sphere a weirder and more interesting place.

But wait! Here comes Life and all it’s Problems and buries our heroine in a pile of do to lists.

Is this the end of our beloved Post It Girl?

Will she ever post again?

Will zombies eat her brains and dance with baby squirrels?

Um. . .

Excuse me?

ME: What?

I have a suggestion, if I may.

ME: Yes??

What if,  instead of making millions of To Do lists you actually just do your work and that way . . .

ME: NO!

Pardon?

ME: NO Suggestions!

But you said yes . .

ME: Well I changed my mind. Now do your JOB!! Why do you think your name is Narrator??

Well actually that isn’t my name. My name is really . .

ME: I DON’T CARE!! Just narrate before I fire you and hire that guy over there!

That Guy Over There: I am ‘onored that you ‘ave chosen me for zis position, ven do I start?

Fine, fine.

ME: You will commence your narration?

Yes.

AHEM AHEM

As our heroine begins to lose consciousness due to the piles of lists suffocating her, she is visited by her wise friend the Great Omm in a vision.

“Oh Great Omm,” She cries. “How can I get out of here? How can I escape Life and all her Problems?!”

“In situations like these there is only one thing to do do.” Said the Great Omm. “You must keep calm, and make a Nutella sandwich.”

THE END

Challenge status (what’s this about?): Day 7

Hey YOU! Where the Heck are You From?!?

One of the best things about having a blog is knowing that your posts are out there for the world to read and make fun of.

And that maybe, maybe some person thousands and thousands of miles away can actually read the contents of your brain that you threw up onto a “post” and laugh over the idea that you think you know how to write.

I think this is nifty. Moreover, I think this is grand.

I feel that somehow having someone read my  blog  makes it almost like I’m visiting them. Which might possibly make me a world traveler! So hurray for that new Views per Country thing WordPress added. It’s really nice of them to tell me where I’ve been.

But still, I feel like it’s not enough.

So now we have reached the core of the apple, the tip of the pizza (which is actually the center of the pizza pie), the main point of this post: I want all of you to (please) introduce yourself and tell me where you’re from. It would also be nice if you gave me your credit card number but its okay if you don’t.

I don’t care if your a long time follower (stalker) or someone whose cat accidentally clicked on my blog, just introduce yourself. A location and a random fact about you is all that is needed. Your cat can introduce itself too!

Here I’ll start it off.

Hi! I’m from the USA! Specifically the magnificent state of New Jersey which is well known for it’s rather pale population, excellent grammar, and its extremely intelligent Neuroscientists. Plus we have a beautiful shore so yeah. I love to start my sentences with an “and”. And I like to put my water bottle down upside-down-like when I set it on the table because I’m a bad ass rebel.

SO WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU FROM?!?

This is the Best Post Ever! (please please read it)

I noticed that a lot of people don’t read now  a days. They see a bunch of text and they run away like little babies wahhh.

This is true for everything but especially the internet. Blog posts, news articles, Wikipedia whatever, people just skip text.

THE ONLY WAY TO GET THEIR ATTENTION IS TO

change fonts, CaPitaliZE randoMlY.

Here are some bold letters

Colors are TO GRAB youR ATTENTION

*and pictures too*

Because you have the attention span of a GnatAnd honeslY I DONT  blame you. 

BUT I just want YOU TO rEAd what i WRite

I mean come on people! I wrote this for you!! Please please read it.

so I asked myself

how can I make you READ what I have to say??

WHAT DO PEOPLE READ? That won’t require pictures

colors, changing text (or subliminal messages) ?:

1)Famous people words (I’m not famous)

2)Something scandalous they shouldn‘t be reading. (NOPE)

3) The COMMENTS SECTION??? (umm. . . what?)

So apparently people will skip an entire post and read the comments. It’s as if the comments are a more entertaining summary of the post.

Hmmm . . .

.-. . .- -.. / – …. .. … / .–. — … – / .. – / .. … / – …. . / -… . … – / .–. — … – / . …- . .-.

And that’s how I invented Commentonador blogging.